French Wine and Pancakes
by MonCherAngleterre
Summary: When England is off pouting and France tries to cheer him up, he might have upset a certain albino... PruCan and FrUk. Text!Fic. Rated for language and, well, France. Nothing graphic.


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A/N the following is pretty much the exact text conversation my friend and I had. She was Prussia and I was France. She ships PruCan and I ship FrUk so those pairings show up here. Enjoy~

Disclaimer- I do not own hetalia in any way shape or form. I wish I did, but that might actually not end well...

• • •

**Bonjour mon cher Prusse~**

What do you want France? Do you need advice from the awesome Prussia?

Alas, non. I was wondering if you'd seen Canada lately?

Why the hell would you care?

Ooooh, are you jealous Prusse?

Well I'm certainly not letting you anywhere near him.

Don't forget I had little Matthieu first.

Shut up bastard.

There's a reason he speaks French~

Prusse?

Oh are you pouting now?

-Later-

Are you there, Prusse?

Hallo pervert, what is your reason for texting the awesome me at this time? Is it about awesome Mattie, because if it is, awesome Prussia doesn't wasn't to hear it.

**Well... You see...Arthur was being all pouty over Alfred and so I invited the two over and... They ran away and are currently somewhere in France. I'm not sure quite where, désolé **

FRANCE! You bastard! What did you do to them to make them run away? And England is there? WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?! I'm going over there immediately with my bruder to find them.

**It's not my fault they do not appreciate me trying to be hospitable. And good luck, you'd be surprised at how hard people can be to track down in France. **

**What exactly is your definition of hospitable? England wouldn't have went, did you kidnap him again? Mattie would've went and dragged America along... By the way, bruder and the awesome me already got a plane to France. Again, your definition of hospitable?**

**My definition of hospitable is promoting l'amour. It always has been. And of course England was there, I don't just randomly kidnap nations. Anymore. **

**Of course. Bruder and I are starting to look for Mattie. Don't even think of helping, the awesome me can handle it, and you'll scare them away.**

It is my country Prusse. I can do whatever I want.

**Please, Francis, for the awesome Prussia? Awesome me? Don't help. I don't need it.**

Too laaaaate mon ami. Angleterre is helping as well~

Shit.

I wonder if Matthieu would like any French wine?

No. No. No. No. He'll get a really big headache in the morning, and that is totally unawesome. You should care about him.

I do care. I've found people tend to be a lot easier to care about when they're not completely in control of their inhibitions.

To late, we found them. We're taking them back to their nations. But Mattie might come with me, if America will let least I have my Mattie away from you, perverted bastard

And I have a now very happy Angleterre in my house. Alone. With wine. This is bad for me how?

I feel very bad for whoever that is. You're lucky they don't know you.

Ah I forgot you don't speak French. I have an extremely intoxicated and happy England who requires my attention. Merci, Prusse. I will speak with you later~

You bastard. You fucking bastard.

-France is currently busy and unable to respond to your calls. Please try again later-

You bastard. You perverted bastard. I hate you. You are kicked out of the bad touch trio.  
ENGLAND GO HOME

I got you a night alone with a very grateful Canada. Why are you bothering me when you and he could be -censored-

At least he wants to. England is gonna set a very angry America on you when he wakes up with a sore ass beside you.

Please. I've had worse. I've somehow managed to get an angry RUSSIA set on me, mon cher. I can deal with America.

Sure, sure. Okay. Ya. I gotta go, pervert. Mattie is tired and scared, so...

I get an awesome Mattie who looks adorable when he sleeps. I love him, And I'm not a pervert.

Who says I don't love Arthur? Anyways I really must be going, lest he find a way to unlock his handcuffs...

My point exactly. Pervert. I'm done. Mattie just fell asleep on me and he's making that adorable face... And he's making my chocolate chip pancakes in the morning, with maple syrup. It's almost as awesome as I am.

• • •

Phrases:

Bonjour mon cher Prusse~ Hello my dear Prussia

Angleterre- England

Désolé- Sorry

Bruder- Brother

Mon ami- My friend

Hope you liked!


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